going through changes….

I love a whole variety of music … my ipod has everything from classical to rap… but the other day, a song I hadn’t heard in a long time came on as I was driving home, and I actually started crying…

I sincerely apologize if all that I sound like, is I’m complaining,
But life keeps on complicating

Stress has overwhelmed me. I’m strong. A survivor. But I am just human.

why do I act like I’m all high and mighty,
When inside, I’m dying, I am finally realizing I need help.
I can’t do it by myself, too weak, 2 weeks I’ve been having ups and downs,
Going through peaks and valleys, dilly dallying

Afraid people will see me as weak, I wear the smile that everyone has come to rely on.
Be strong for your family.
Don’t let them see you sweat.
Don’t ask for help.

I’m hatin’ my reflection, I walk around the house tryin’ to fight mirrors,
I can’t stand what I look like, yeah, I look fat, but what do I care?

It’s true. I avoid my reflection.
I realize I’m tired. Tired of being bullied. Tired of trying to be civil with someone who won’t ever be happy. Won’t ever act like an adult. Will fight me on anything I ask. It’s exhausting. My family tells me they’re worried. I’m always tired… going, doing, trying to find a way to make everyone happy. Never resting. Never taking time for me.

I need something to give.

Time to make some changes… do some things for me.

Starting now.

lyrics are from Eminem’s song Going Through Changes featuring Ozzy Osbourne from his album Recovery.  You can hear it here

6 thoughts on “going through changes….

  1. Oh, how I understand the avoiding the reflection in the mirror and being overly tired by stress. I still struggle with the taking time for me. I know it is hard. Somehow, it feels overly indulgent. But if you can learn it now maybe you won’t be my age still feeling the same way you feel now. I will stop in a couple days from now and see if either of us has done something specific for ourselves that we can name. We are worth it! I don’t care if I do sound like a hair product advertisement! We are out of our comfort zone and we’ve got to start somewhere! 🙂

    • So, I am back! Have you been good to yourself? Yesterday I got the haircut I needed 5 weeks ago and neglected! Not epic, but it felt good. Hope you found something–even something small to remind yourself you matter and you deserve some TLC.

      • I have to catch up on my reading! Been with my mom which has been a roller coaster. Turns out being 92 isn’t always a barrel of fun! I know….who could have seen that coming?!
        Hope you found a way to be good to you! I see you’ve been writing. That can’t hurt. Hope the camera has been out and busy too.

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