that cattle-herding store…

Hubby and I took a trip to Ikea recently. This is a store that causes me great stress. I love the fact that there are rooms set up so that you can effectively see their products in action – what stresses me out is that there are always 400,000 other people there, and for some unknown reason, they’re all shopping like they only have 10 minutes to fill their cart!

There are some fun things to see at Ikea when you are a people-watcher like me…

1 – Lulu bee-otches: I find it hilarious that people feel the need to dress in head to toe Lululemon – and I mean head to toe… even the headband and purse – get the blonde hair teased, straightened and as big as possible, then put on your makeup with a putty knife and head out for a lovely afternoon of shopping. While I may be employing hyperbole here, it was seriously ridiculous on this particular day…. although I did enjoy watching her search for the mouse as she used the touch-screen catalogue… *snicker*

2 – Husband cupholders: These are the men that are obviously just along to do the driving, push the cart, and hold the purse.  There were several of them on this particular day, all employing the proper etiquette of staying exactly 4 feet behind, looking at the floor and nodding exuberantly when asked whether they liked whatever knick-knack the “boss” was holding.

3 – Mind-changers. sadly, this was us on this particular trip : both shoppers have a list in their hands… there are multiple things written down, then scratched out. They stand in front of something for  countless minutes, heads cocked to the left, index finger to top lip. Then the idea strikes – OUT comes the measuring tape, murmur murmur… head cock to the right.

4 – Audio/Visual demonstrators: ummm this was me too. Hubby has a hard time “seeing” the room I’m trying to create – so when I saw “THE” bookcase, and said “we’ll put it on the right wall”, I kind of got a blank look and a long drawn out “ooooh kaaaay?”
People around us probably saw the demonstration that followed and thought my poor man was deaf. I was running through the “O.K. – so if you open the doors…” demonstrate opening french doors “…and you look to the right…” exaggerate looking right while waving my right arm like air traffic control “…it will go on that wall!” eyebrows raised…. wait for the recognition…
“Ahhhh, I see.”

Exhale

And off to the self-serve warehouse to try and locate Aisle 34 Bin 5.

I wonder if people realize that the store herds people like metal dividers herd cattle through through a field and into a trailer.
I get excited when I find the “shortcut” to the department I want so that I don’t have to stroll through an entire HOUSE to find the tealights that I love and I mean love – they smell so nice! They had citrusy scents on this particular day, which caused me to “oooooh!” and stop to smell, then load up a cardboard tray with $.75 tealight holders… because you can never have too many, really.

I then collected Hubby, who hadn’t even noticed I had stopped, and was pleasantly chatting to the lady behind him, who kept looking behind her to see who he was talking to.
By this time, my patience is shot and I just want to go home, so we headed to the cattle gates cash registers and headed home.

I did manage to buy a beautiful bookcase and a huge desk for my office… it looks very professional and is WAY more organized than it used to be.

But I still sit on the couch to write 🙂

See you next time, Ikea.

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2 thoughts on “that cattle-herding store…

  1. HAHA!! So true.
    I don’t get why people dress up. It makes me feel awkward if I don’t. It’s like a fashion faux pas.
    And aren’t that what husbands are for? Purse holders? Shawn would never NEVER hold my purse in public

  2. I have never been to IKEA but have been places where I was herded like a bovine. Not my favorite venues! Laughed out loud at the imagine of the woman applying make up with a putty knife.

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